Share amusing stories and banter about everyday life
Here is a short story about the virus.
The phone rings.
Kate picks it up, ‘Hello! Kate O’Hare.’
‘Hello Kate. Just me, your sister Alice, ringing up to see how you are. I rang you a few times but got no answer, but with the time difference I may have been ringing at all hours. How are things going? It has been a couple of weeks since we talked. I’ve heard that Peter left you but you never rang me to give any reason for his leaving. So now that the dust has settled maybe you will tell me.’
‘Well sister dear,’ Kate answered, ‘it is very simple; and by the way, he didn’t leave me, I threw him out. He had found a younger woman and decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Funny, but he told me that when we first met.’
Alice interrupted her sister then: ‘Sorry but I was told that he had left you. So now you can tell me the truth about what happened and how you found out he was messing with someone?’
‘How did I find out?’ she replied, ‘well if you are sitting down I will tell you how. For starters I found out by complete accident. He was always working late and he told me that he and his mates would go for a couple of beers afterwards to relax. I could understand that
and didn’t mind. One Saturday he said he would be away for the weekend as he was going to Dublin to finish a deal. He said he would take a few days off when he came home and we would spend the time together. He put his bag into the car and I waved him off and blew him a kiss.
I was sitting having a cup of coffee around 12 o’clock when the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there was his partner Jim. I thought the worst, you know, an accident or something. I asked him was everything ok.
He smiled and said, “Yes, no problem, I just called to ask Peter will he go for a game of golf tomorrow.”
I looked at him in surprise and said, “He is away in Dublin finishing off the deal you and he were working on this past two months. I thought he was with you.’
He didn’t speak for a minute. I suppose he was trying to think of some excuse.
He spoke at last, “No, he told me that he was working from home finishing off the deal. We are supposed to be going next weekend. He must have got things mixed up. I will give him a bell and sort it out. Sorry about all this Kate.”
“These things happen,” I said, “He could have got things mixed up as he has been working very late these past few weeks.”
Again he looked at me. “Yes, that’s true. I suppose that didn’t help,” he said.
I knew he was lying.
“Right I’m off, and don’t worry, it will work out in the end. I think he needs a break. I will tell him he should take a few days off.”
He left and I went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. Then I heard the sound of a phone ringing. I looked all over for it. I found it in a coat pocket. It was Peter’s. He had left it behind him. I didn’t answer it but I could see it was Jim calling him. I waited till it stopped ringing, picked it up and scrolled to Messages. There were a lot of messages most of them were from me. Many of them were from his work but quite a lot were from someone called Mary. I sat down and began to read them. They were about what he would like to do to her and she would reply I can’t wait or something like that. It was the last one that got to me. He told her he would pick her up at ten o’clock on Saturday morning. He had both of them booked into the Westbury Hotel for the weekend. He never booked me into the Westbury! I just sat there shaking. I thought I was in a nightmare and would wake up and everything would be ok. That Saturday went in a haze. I remember very little about it. Everything was going through my mind. What had I done wrong? Was I not a good wife? I thought we had good sex life but apparently he did not think so. I drank a bottle of wine and went to bed late but I could not sleep. I tossed and turned but by morning I had it all worked out what I was going to do.
Sunday was different. I was up early, made myself some breakfast and set my plan in motion. I thought to myself if he thinks he is coming back to this house he has another think coming.
I got out as many black bags as I could find and filled them with his clothes and anything else I could find that belonged to him. I filled about ten bags. I tied them and left them in the hallway. That night I had a couple of glasses of wine, went to bed and slept the sleep of the righteous. I was up bright and early on Monday, had my breakfast and sat down and waited.
I heard a car coming up the drive, the car stopping, the car
door opening, the car boot opening and the key being put into the lock.
He came in. “Hello Kate I’m home.”
He came into the kitchen where I was sitting. He took one look at me and asked, ‘Were you doing spring cleaning?’
“Why are you asking me that?” I said.
“Well as I came in I could see a lot of black bags in the hallway.”
“For your information,” I said, “those black bags are full of shit.”
“Sorry love I don’t understand,” he said.
I stared at him and answered,” Let me put it this way. Those bags are full of your shit.”
“Kate what are you talking about?”
I picked up the phone and threw it at him.
“You left that behind you when you went off to Dublin with your bit on the side. What’s her name, oh yes Mary. Did you have a good time? Was she wearing the undies you asked her to wear? What age is she twenty, twenty one? Did you talk about me, your wife, waiting at home? No I bet you didn’t, you good for nothing bastard.”
He just stood there with him mouth opened. When he got a bit of composure back he started making excuses but I stopped him.
I shouted, “I do not want to hear one more word from you. You can pick up your black bags and get out of this house. I don’t give a damn where you go or who you go with.”
He must really have been taken aback because he just turned on his heels, opened the door and took all the bags out to the car and was gone. So now you know the real truth. I threw him out lock stock and barrel.’
“Jesus Kate I am so sorry,” Alice said after a moment.
‘Don’t worry Alice; I got on with my life. I don’t need him now.
Things are looking up. I have a new job which keeps me going and I am so busy I never think of him. So goodbye, dear sister. If I need anything if I will give you a bell.’
The phone rings. ‘Hello Alice McAnuff speaking.’
‘Hello Alice, Kate here. Just giving you a bell to let you know how things are.’
‘Kate! It’s so good to hear from you. It has been a long time. It is very noisy where you are and I can just about make you out. How are things with you?’
‘Ticking along, just to let you know how things are going. As you know I threw him out of my life. Well this might surprise you but about a month ago I got a phone call from him. He told me that he was very sorry about what happened and he knew he had done me wrong but pleaded for me to just give it another try. I thought about it, even though I knew his girlfriend had packed him in. So I told him I would have to think about it’.
‘Wait a minute, wait a minute,’ Alice said ‘You told him you would think about it? This is the bastard who was messing with a young one. The same bastard you threw out of your life, as you put it ‘Lock, stock and barrel.’ And now you’re thinking of getting back together again. Have you gone mad?’
‘I know, I know but living on one’s own is not the greatest thing in the world. Any way let me finish. I let him back into my life and I must say things were going great. We went out to dinner often and
came home and made passionate love. Life was getting back to normal. Then I noticed he was becoming secretive again. When he
was sleeping I checked his phone and lo and behold he was at it again. But I held back. I wasn’t going to rush into things.
That weekend we had a fabulous time. We spent all weekend making love. It was wonderful.’
‘So are you ringing me up to tell me that, even though he is messing around again you were going to forgive him and let him live with you again?’ Kate asked.
‘Well, I don’t know about live with me again but I think we will be together. Anyway let me continue. You see I had gone for a check-up and was told I may have the virus. I sort of knew I had it before we had that weekend together. Yesterday I received a phone call to tell me to remain where I am and an ambulance would collect me. I am now in isolation. They are doing more checks but I know that things are not too good. That is the reason I rang you Alice. My chances of getting out of here are very, very slim so I have made out a will and have left everything to you. One last thing I want you to take care of the funeral and things. It is all written down in the will. Sorry I am getting the nod I have to go, they are taking me into the ‘Death’ room.’
‘Kate you are not going to die. You stay positive and keep saying ‘I
will beat this. Please sister stay strong,” Alice pleaded.
‘Alice, I don’t care about dying. Things are working out ok. The bastard has caught the virus as well. So, sister, make sure we are buried together. Have to go. Goodbye.’
Some weeks later the media reported that a husband and wife had died from the Covid-19 within hours of each other.
They were buried together.
Tony Carroll – May2020.